Because I Said So!

 

           B E C A U S E    I   S A I D   S O !

 

Discipline is not something most parents are good at.  When frustrated by a child who persists in questioning your discipline, have you ever resorted to the #1 parental go to logic? “Because I said so!”  For many couples, disciplining children can be the biggest source of conflict in their marriage. Often, one parent is know for being the “Disciplinarian” while the other parent is a “Softie.” Children aren’t dumb and become very skilled at playing one parent against the other.  The focus then shifts from how to properly discipline to the friction these differences cause in a marriage.  Most parents believe that some discipline is necessary, they just can’t get on the same page as to how. 

Elder D.Todd Christofferson taught (Ensign May 2011) “Parents can and must correct; even chasten, if their children are not to be cast adrift at the mercy of a merciless adversary and his supporters.”

In one of my finer parenting moments, I remember abruptly stopping the car on a family trip to Utah with the intent of disciplining one of our teenagers who was being extra obnoxious and who was not happy to be with us and intent on making everyone miserable.  As I exited my door with the intent to discipline the dang kid, he bolted from his door and we began a full speed chase through the dessert. After running in the heat for 5 min (which felt like a ½ hour ) I realized that I wasn’t going to catch him. By the time I got back to the car I had run out my anger and frustration and he realized the desert wasn’t where he wanted to stay. We both got back in the car and continued our then more peaceful journey. I like to think that my discipline skills improved from there but my children may remember it differently.  Recently, while studying for a Gospel Doctrine lesson, I discovered the Lord’s pattern of discipline, which is definitely different than my approach.  After 2 ½ years of asking the saints to build a Temple, the Lord feels it necessary to “chastise” his children for their neglect. D&C 95 was an eye opener for me.  Note how the Lord begins his discipline in verse 1.  "Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you whom I love, and whom I love I also chasten that their sins maybe forgiven, for with the chastisement I prepare a way for their deliverance in all things out of temptation, and I have loved you-"  If you take time to keep reading through verse 8 you’ll discover the following elements:

1-         I love  you

2-         I chasten you (or discipline you) because I love you

3-         You can be forgiven

4-         A way is prepared for you to be delivered from the temptation you are following

5-         I love you

6-         Explains the need for the discipline

7-         Tells what their sin is- what they’re doing wrong

8-         Explains the reason for the commandment

9-         Even though others are choosing to walk  in darkness-You are capable of better- you are chosen

10-   Explains the blessings from obedience- “power from on high”

11-   The consequences of continued disobedience – “walking in darkness”

12-   The world (others) might do things differently but you’re not of the world- I have better things prepared for you!

The next time you feel the need to discipline- don’t be lazy and resort to the non-effective parental go to- “because I said so!”

Try the Lord’s method of discipline which always begins with “I Love You!”

Beside surprising your child- you might even be helpful!

 

Much Love-  

The Grandparent Chronicles